- A Danish inventor murders a journalist on a submarine and gets a 16-year sentence. (1:00)
- A Japanese cannibal eats a French foreign exchange student and gets a 6-month sentence. (4:00)
- Matt McCusker's girlfriend believes in ghosts, but he's scared of them. (6:30)
- Matt McCusker had sleep paralysis and saw shadowy figures. (8:30)
- The guys discuss the story of Alex Walsh, whose son was beheaded, and how he used this tragedy to build a career. (19:30)
- Matt McCusker talks about how scary his basement is and how he's afraid of ghosts. (26:30)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoWZNCvve2M
Transcript:
(00:00) I could literally start immediately I could start immediately how you like that dude baby man I anytime I'm in like some sort of like little like meeting or conference with a bunch of women with like light Refreshments there'll be like some chips of Hoy there and I watch chicks and then when they're bored eat sweet [ __ ] and it's just like I look at them and I'm was like what the [ __ ] are you doing they love cookies dude give me some salted Meats that's what I'm saying man if somebody puts a tray of saled
(00:27) meat out dude I'm a [ __ ] shark I Circle it dud take a bite Circle a table some rolled up [ __ ] ham dude rolled ham rolled ham in Spain dude when I was in Spain they just give you ham I would I was begging bartenders just to be like dude give me the [ __ ] ham please give me a piece give me another beer and as much of that ham as I can get oh dude so you just reminded me about Europe that so I read the story about this this Danish inventor yeah I forget the guy's [ __ ] name but apparently he brought a
(00:56) journalist onto a submarine [ __ ] yeah comes back up that's consent journalist journalist is missing dude listen to what he [ __ ] did there's no consent to this journalist is missing after he Services he goes I don't know where she is yeah he surfaces she's she's missing this is in D this is in what what's Danish called Denmark Denmark he's in I almost called it D land he's in D land so the [ __ ] reporter's missing he's like I don't know where she went we were
(01:21) on the submarine who the f I'm not you know I'm not this lady's [ __ ] you know keeper yeah you are on a sub you [ __ ] are her body parts wash up on her severed Limbs and head and [ __ ] washes up on shore and they're like yo bro what the [ __ ] up with her body parts and he was like oh yeah she had an accident on the submarine she she hit her head she fell into the garbage she hit her head and he was like yeah and we found her body's all chopped up he's yeah so I chopped up her body
(01:50) and threw her out the sea he's like she was already dead I didn't kill her I just chopped up her body so they finally charge this guy with life sentence guess what is how long his life sentence is in [ __ ] Denmark how long 16 years it's going to be tough that's nothing dude if you were in a marriage you disagreed with you could murder you could literally behead your wife get a submarine first no you don't even need one you can just behead your wife and then just do you'd be married for 20
(02:14) years anyway do 16 hard years and dude Denmark prisons are not that bad so you basically chill in a room with an Xbox and you get out and you're just like well here I go backed on Tinder that was insane to me second dat he's like I got a submarine I mean imagine bringing a girl onto your submarine and then just [ __ ] chopping her to Pieces it's like that's the most insane that was right when the aiz thing came out like that's a [ __ ] tough date that was a [ __ ] times up sucking his E's dick five times in his Airbnb is
(02:44) not the worst thing dude [ __ ] getting shouted up by a Danish psycho in a submarine that was dude that was the same week that's [ __ ] terrifying him [ __ ] hitting you with a knife and that's terrifying you a [ __ ] submarine too yeah there's a bunch of [ __ ] everything's beeping and sonars are going off he's like hey check this out yeah that's also the worst place on Earth to murder someone yeah just to be like yeah me and this girl are going out on a sub submarine and you resurfaced
(03:16) like it's just me now she's gone I don't know what happened the best is was like oh yeah we had an accident and I chopped her up forgot about that around the ocean he holds a bunch of like biomedical patents [ __ ] loaded dude do I mean obviously has a summary sick move he [ __ ] had a chopping chick up dude he had to I mean imagine what the [ __ ] was going through his head that's a good day he's probably like can I get some head and she was like no and he just totally barck it out like chop chop
(03:43) chop chop chop then technically it was if it was maritime law he was the captain yeah I mean he might he might have sted me to Mutiny he was like I demand you to give me head she's like no he's like d mut you [ __ ] there was a Japanese thing that was like that where the prison sentence was so short that it was just like this Vice did an interview with this guy that ate a chick what he ate her and they interviewed he's like was a very tasty girl yeah dude and it like he was so open about it cuz he was already
(04:17) convicted what he do like six months per bab yeah they were just like don't leave your house you eat the girl you stay inside for 3 hours but uh but they grounded him yeah they grounded him for like 2 days he [ __ ] how much of her did he eat a lot I know he ate her ass it was ass eating season dude yeah he like Freez her and sa her for a while he uh and he wrote about it in his journal for like a while before he did it about how he I think it was like a French foreign exchange student and she lived in his apartment
(04:51) and he was like I mean if you were going to eat someone a French f j sounds tasty sounds like definitely the best person to eat there all like butter fed from the ears and all that [ __ ] coffee and baguettes yeah that's a good one it's probably flaky oh I I don't think I ever got to say this either although we should probably keep going on Japanese cannibals but yeah he he has this journal he has like pictures he drew and stuff of like him like him as like a demon like flaying her ass what taking
(05:22) the skin off her butt cheeks and like cooking them so he made rolled up ham out of her butt cheeks he did he hammed it up oh my God very good veryy dude it's so weird when you think you're [ __ ] up and then you read a story about a guy like [ __ ] shaving a chick's butt meat off and eating it you're like Jesus Christ man I don't even I'm like yeah should check that out that's a great [ __ ] document hilarious I talked about the one before about the cop who got in trouble for that yeah
(05:48) that was nuts in the fantasy world his boy screen name was girl Meat Hunter and they're all about eating girls they never they never did it they never did it though they should have met up with that Japanese dude dude yeah that was [ __ ] I show them the oops that might have been girl Meat Hunter that was probably him yeah Halloween's the [ __ ] though it's very spooky D we haven't even talked about how spooky did I send you that thing I sent I tagged you and something on Instagram yeah I commented
(06:12) Cheetos dude the Cheetos were very spooky did you see the comment I didn't see what you said I said [ __ ] bag of bones gives me the willies bag of bones Cheetos gave me the willies bad um this is funny and she'll be upset about this but I had a conversation with my lady last night my my beautiful baby girl yeah uh and it was she was like you don't think ghosts are real I was like yeah I don't wait she's a she's a firm believer in the spirits and Phantoms okay you are too though right my thing
(06:44) is I don't believe in them but I'm scared of them true I would always I would be like ghosts aren't [ __ ] real and then I'd lay down at night and be like yo my bad ghosts I don't believe in ghosts when I'm I believe in ghosts when I'm by myself if I'm not with anyone I've definitely geared myself like there's been multiple conversations I had myself I'm like I'm in my basement I'm like dude if a [ __ ] ghost shows up it's like he's not necessarily going
(07:03) to hurt me he might show me some cool [ __ ] and I'm like it's cool I'm I'm cool with ghost if ghost if you're around here I'm not against you guys all the time I'm not against you guys I was just kidding ghosts you're definitely in my room right now but so we had this conversation and she explained a time where she saw a ghost okay and it was just sleep paralysis it was 100% sleep so she was like I was lying in bed at my friend's house that was haunted and you're like wait who what was a friend's
(07:30) name yeah I was like who the [ __ ] was he she was like his name her name's Sarah you [ __ ] I'm like I'm not [Laughter] jealous but she said she heard in the other room like just loud bangs like someone was just [ __ ] this office up there was an office next door and she was like I was the only one that was home oh okay and so she heard like someone just swiping a desk like just trash in this room and then she heard the footsteps walk out walk down the hall and then she heard the footsteps walk towards her door and just stand
(07:58) there and that's when she looked up and saw a shadowy figure standing there yeah and then it walked away and I was like did you see it walk away or is that when you kind of felt like she was like I was going to sleep when this happened okay and I was like you had sleep paralysis that's sleep paralysis then she said she saw that and then just passed out afterwards well no she and she was like I don't remember and I was like that's cuz you were asleep when it happened and it feels like you're awake and it feels
(08:21) like it's not a dream at all yeah and like you can see everything in the room you're awake and I was like sometimes when people have it that's exactly what they experience like they hear incred like loud banging noises and then they see a [ __ ] shadowy figure mhm I had that I had people like and she thought I was trying to disprove her I was she thought I was like no I was like no what you had was real yeah that's a real I mean they just call it sleep paralysis that could be a [ __ ] ghost yeah I had
(08:45) a [ __ ] ghost attack me exactly and I woke up and I was like that that was a sleep paralysis yeah exact I I had that the one time I had a bunch of times but I one time was like literally three shadowy figures standing over my bed and I woke up from sleep paralysis saw them for about 10 seconds while I was awake and was like and they go away and I was like oh God thank God so I mean I could be like when I had it I woke up and still thought it was real like I couldn't differentiate from when I was asleep and when I was awake yeah so I
(09:12) thought it was still walking around in my basement and I tried to fight it yeah your wakeing brain still like your brain's awake but you're still like on that dream hallucination and it happens when you're falling asleep a lot of times yeah mine yeah mine happens when I'm like when you're sliding into REM mine happens when I wake up in the middle of sleep and then go back yeah exactly like you said falling back to sleep I fall back to sleep and I have like and she was like I was going to
(09:35) sleep when it happened I was like that's you had sleep paralysis and it seems like the realest thing in the world like I didn't know what sleep paralysis was when it happened to me yeah so I just was like that was real you were ghost on her for a while I was like that was a demon one night that attacked me and you just have to keep it cool I didn't tell anyone I was like dude you keep that one to yourself dude you don't want to tell people you're possessed that'll yeah that'll follow you too yeah and then I
(09:58) looked at it I was I was Googling yeah creepy Wikipedia articles I suggest you do that it's the Halloween season you can go if you Google creepy Halloween or yeah creepy Halloween or creepy [ __ ] Wikipedia articles there's a list of like 200 of them they're [ __ ] sick just for Halloween well I mean you can do it for the Halloween spirit or just for whatever or just for whatever damn dude she wouldn't admit that she was having that she was like well she every person I've ever been around thinks I'm
(10:24) a [ __ ] so that's pretty [ __ ] up yeah it's starting to it's starting to get to me yeah but it's it's also especially if it's something as in like as simple as uh like you know maybe just pushing back on a ghost story a little bit yeah I know but you it's like then what you have to do like is it's one thing to bend on stuff be like a maybe I'll ease up on things if someone hend you with a ghost story it's like well I can kind of like there's probably an explanation for this because it wasn't a
(10:48) ghost yeah yeah exactly yeah that's uh that's annoying that's a that's a tough you have yeah you're 30 right yeah yeah 30 is about the time when all you start to see all your life cycles you get old enough to where you're like yeah I remember that I've been here before I've been doing that hard and I used to be like [ __ ] girls are crazy every girl like G is nuts and I'm just like after like six relationships like that I'm like oh [ __ ] dude I'm the [ __ ] leader
(11:15) of the circus dude yeah she's been telling me like you're you're a bully like you're mean to people and I'm like you're like the 10th person today told me that like yeah maybe it is me I mean bullying's fun you know I don't think I'm a bully though no but dude there's oh here's so I've existed out's me doing exactly what I said like I'm not a bully though well here's here's where I've learned that the majority of people aren't well not the well yeah I would say the
(11:44) majority of the Civilized world who I would say Works in an office or has some is like very career- driven or I don't even I don't even know to necessarily put on that they have a way of relating to people that doesn't exactly jive with how you or I would to where like I was talking to this dude like there's [ __ ] people say now that I'm working in like a civilized environment that I just want to all day long like this like I work with call out for being work with a dude who calls his girlfriend his partner and
(12:10) it [ __ ] bothers me so much and I'm always like I thought he talking about a dude the whole time like all dude's gay cool I'm like chilling on that he's like then she and I'm like how the [ __ ] you call your girlfriend your partner so like that like [ __ ] me up and then uh like we're doing a thing yesterday and someone there was like a little kid out someone's like hey like we got to do a meeting my kids here I'm like yeah man it's fine and this dude kept like trying to talk to this kid in a way that was so
(12:36) Biz he it was just so weird and he was like we were all like laughing afterwards he's like yeah that kid loved me blah blah blah and I was like dude that kid didn't want nothing to do with you bro like the kid was sitting there playing on his [ __ ] iPad he was having a good time you were just distracted that's the thing well he goes he was like yeah but I was giving him M&M's I'm like well you got to be careful that strategy bro that's try to true and dude I was with two people they
(12:56) both looked at me like how how why would you say that I was I was like I thought it was a [ __ ] slam dunk dude you mean that home run I just hit why would I go yard I'm like yeah dude it is effective giving kids candy but you got to kind of watch how you work that one dude that people you might end up getting your dick sucked you go to watch that that old [ __ ] candy for work that works out bad sometimes yeah dude I'm like yeah yeah yeah unless you're like 80 dude [ __ ] steer clear of that that
(13:23) one like w I don't think Dilbert being a jumper got enough respect so funny laugh yeah that' be a good the thing if he bowed out on like a 911 Dilbert jumping on 911 [ __ ] he'd be the he'd be arguably the greatest artist of all time Trump [ __ ] caught him a ground zero he had if I was the Dilbert comic maker and I was going to kill myself I would that's a sick uh if I was going to kill myself I would definitely make a Dilbert cartoon of him jumping out of the World Trade Center and kill
(13:58) myself oh my God that's I mean all these great artists that have killed themselves they should go on top like that true they should give everybody a real [ __ ] you did a good one head in the oven who did Sylvia Plath put her head in the oven that's a pretty good did she cut a little square out so she she just like open the [ __ ] yeah I don't know she just you put put it in somehow I guess she just opened it and it was she sounds like a real dumb [ __ ] I feel like it's a cool way to kill yourself
(14:23) head in the oven yeah no I think the ultimate's head in microwave you got to cut uh Square out of your microwave so you can shut it turn it on and put your head in just on defrost for five minutes just melt your face off just nuke your face I was I was joking about suicide uh with okani in the car cuz we were watching uh people that have killed themselves via like animals at the zoo o and it's like I don't think you realize how much you don't hate yourself until just that first bite from a bear and
(14:56) you're just like oh [ __ ] help help help help I don't want this I don't want to die yeah suddenly everything's not so pointless like oh yeah I have to not get eaten by bears that's the point of life like instinctively you're just like help help whereas like um like hose in the car in the garage that's kind of like a nice way to die so you sort of just like fall asleep mhm so you don't have that like maybe your survival in doesn't kick in the way it would if you get attacked people that are like I'm so
(15:23) depressed I'm going to go [ __ ] throw myself in The Bear Pit it's like that was the worst that was the worst Choice ever yeah totally that was the worst [ __ ] choice you could make might be a good way to actually like get a new lease on life cuz like then I fought off Sur yeah true maybe that's what they're hoping for well that's that's the worst um jumpers that survive people jump off like the Golden Gate bridge and then survive they like shatter their [ __ ] back they're back for the sequel no
(15:49) they're just back for the sequel and everyone's like yo bro heard you try to kill yourself you're like yeah [ __ ] up there was a guy I knew to kill there was a guy there was a guy this is horrible there was guy I was working with whose kid lowkey was a jumper and then like they he just didn't die and then like he just had to show up and he was like a carpenter [ __ ] but he was fine though he didn't get injured he was okay he got [ __ ] up but you know he probably got a wicked [ __ ] belly an
(16:16) floor probably got a wicked belly flop slash or whatever but like dude he probably he's back on the job dude he's watching those pieces of wood get cut every day being like dude I can't believe I jumped that's a wacky thing to come back from what trying like literally trying to commit to like jump being Neo from The Matrix dude and the water's like right wake up in an ER just like my dad's like what the [ __ ] yeah that's a [ __ ] coming back for the sequels the power move dude if
(16:46) do you do it again everyone leaves you alone do you do it again though I don't know dude that's got to be terrifying to jump and not die and then be like dude I'm not going part three is not going you might you might you might just try to kill yourself in a different way the Jedi that'd be sick if this guy was like the rocky of suicides in like seven episodes of him facing I wonder how many what was like the most suicide attempts ever uh it's probably a high school chick that cut herself 90 times like I'm
(17:13) going to do it this time she ate two aspirins twice yeah yes dude suicide is funny Pedro well women are more likely to attempt suicide and men are more likely to pull it off where you getting that stat from uh Peterson no that's uh that I heard that set yeah a couple I saw in a movie I saw a couple things but men are way more likely to actually kill themselves yeah that makes perfect sense I mean yeah I don't not believe it I'm just curious where it comes from I don't know like wor probably I mean that's
(17:43) that's a probably easy stat just you show up someone's dead like how they die suicide chalk it up right and it's like why is this chick crying here be like she she trying to kill herself chalk it up like there's actually like a white board just like I mean it is horrific it's also kind of ridiculous how like you get a lot of these uh writers and like they kill themselves and like it definitely adds to the legend yeah dude like I love I mean it's so weird and [ __ ] up if I hear a guy killed himself I seek the
(18:15) book out and I'm like I got to read what the [ __ ] this guy dude [ __ ] Heath Ledger The Joker dude everyone's like whoa look how dark that was the [ __ ] most [ __ ] [ __ ] like they're like oh my God eventually The Joker overtook him it's like no he's a [ __ ] drug anic character was too dark like dude The Joker is gay as [ __ ] you didn't get overtaken by Batman and was like yeah I love oxy Cott and all of a sudden what what if Jared Leto killed himself after suicide squad to try to like casat it on
(18:41) the legend and nobody cared sick like still bad dude did you hear did you hear the stories of like what Jared Leto was doing to try to like get into character oh I bet it's like he was like mailing cast members like pigh heads with like written on it like ha haa oh what a loser think of cast M was being like all right dude yeah yeah imagine Will Smith Will Smith Will Smith kooky enough to be like whoa this guy really believes yeah maybe be nice about it he's a gay Scientologist literally he's in the gay
(19:09) Hollywood Mafia but anyway that's a really funny conspiracy thatw everyone's gay famous person is gay or they weren't gay like apparently Tom Cruz wasn't gay but all those like Elites of Hollywood all those like gay old Jewish guys like got their hands on them young and just flipped them I found out something [ __ ] up I didn't you know Alex Walsh the uh America's Most Wanted yeah you know his origin story son right cut cut his son's head off bro someone cut his son's head off yeah someone
(19:40) that's how he got started who did his son was in a a mall playing video like they they were like put the Atari out and like all these older boys were playing Atari and his mom was shopping and was like yeah go play video games with the older boys so Billy Walsh just like stood by and just like watched these kids play and the kids got in a fight so people in the mall were like kids get out of here made him go outside so he didn't speak up for himself he wasn't like I'm not really with these guys so they all went outside and the
(20:04) older kids left and someone lured Billy Walsh into a van with candy and then like four days later they found his decapitated head and that's how America's most want to started with Alex Walsh his son got [ __ ] decapitated dude his son got beheaded he found his son's head damn his son fell for the candy in the van and then he got [ __ ] Rich yeah his son fell for the candy in the van and that dude built a [ __ ] Empire the guy became a star yeah he basically like bullied that show he like went through Congress passed a bunch of
(20:35) bills and then like bullied his way onto a show and sold the rights to a movie when life hands you beheaded kids D you ahead dude make lemonade get paid on [ __ ] dude that was I had no idea that guy's that guy's pass was so dark yeah I knew that I thought he was just like a cop no I remember he's just a dad just a sick ass dad son dude he's got a headless horseman dude he's got a kabot crane he's got a sleepy Holo boy someone [ __ ] holy [ __ ] I mean this guy lured him in with candy of all
(21:06) things and then beheaded him do we know he led him with candy did the guy come clean and be like it was candy they said the audio book I was listening to they said he got LED with candy and toys I mean they might have looked at like Mall footage of a guy just like with a couple packs of ND yeah like a football and some nerds like this kid was like all right I guess how old was the kid do you remember he was like seven oh like 6 years old or seven that's Prime candy in a van though I know the guy [ __ ] got
(21:35) him in the van and cut his [ __ ] head off dude like that's ins it might yo this is a [ __ ] up Theory it could have been Alex Walsh himself really he might have lured his own son and beheaded him dude he might have beheaded his own son and Rose to the [ __ ] top do you think if you have like four Sons you can behead one of them and get paid biblically feel like we got to do something about this yeah that's a tale is old time if you get a beheaded son you have a book deal instantly especially if you can go around and try
(22:03) to like hide the head somewhere good I'm going to make my son get into Middle Eastern journalism so hopefully one day he gets his [ __ ] head cut off over there dude headless son is a good fortune headless son is [ __ ] sick you get something you remember what happened to Mike Myers though he had a headless Mom that's true that turns you [ __ ] that's true you got headless son just turns you into a ball headless Sun turns you into a vicious [ __ ] entrepreneur headless son you're like I'm going to take over this [ __ ]
(22:29) industry you know we need some prevention of headless sons in the future that's what he did he started like investigating like horrible he's basically start investigating headless Sons he was True Detective in real life his son got beheaded and he just was like I got to investigate everything D your son getting beheaded is so [ __ ] outrageous so it's almost I was I was listening to an audio book that was like not about that at all and I had to pause it and laugh for a while I was like holy [ __ ] [ __ ] they're like and his his
(22:58) seed head was found 4 days later it's like god dude yeah that's so [ __ ] like what do you even say is you the dad like ah [ __ ] Jesus Christ yeah that's like I mean you got to be like I don't know man least if your kid gets like leukemia or something there's like a mascot will come in and play with him for a little before he dies like there's cool well we had to identify it though he had to like there's no headless son you think they put it like when you have to go identify your son's had they put
(23:28) it like a cigar box I bet they put the whole thing in the morg thing and put a blanket as though there was a body he's like where's the body like don't lift the blanket Mr wor there's there's clearly nothing there this is this is just a head yeah that's him [ __ ] he's just on a scarecrow you like that oh my God I was so [ __ ] horrible but it made me laugh so hard cuz I was like okay they I like they found his severed head and I was like what the [ __ ] this book's about like the political climate in the United
(24:03) States how like we coddle children so I was that guy didn't no that guy that van guy did not C guy making an argument for like how kids need unru he coddled him first though he might he might have coddled him I mean I'm sure he didn't go straight to the [ __ ] head beheaded him on the spot like you want some candy come in here yes got one you need like he had to drag drug him into the woods onto a stump you can't just behead so you need like full like that's like ringing the bell little kid though you can be had a kid dude
(24:32) it'd be hard as [ __ ] I just cut like I like cut sweet potatoes in half sometimes you really got to put all your weight on the knife severing the spinal van a full van you can get a stump in the back of a van no dud you got to you can't raise over your head you don't have you just saw dude oh dude you don't think he did a clean honorable swipe well the kid was probably think he hacked the kid was definitely asleep because of how good the dick was true kid definitely pass out from the dick in no doubt the dick
(25:00) damn good Lord some guy walked past like a rocking minivan like someone's getting l a guy saing back and forth got off head some dude's like yes dude someone's getting imagine him drive around like I got to ditch this [ __ ] head dude I got to [ __ ] just tosses it out the window oh that's horrific dude yeah that [ __ ] me up man the book is funny cuz they're putting together like a good argument for like why we that Alex Walsh is also the reason why kids missing kids were going on mil cart mil
(25:33) cartons apparently missing kids are like Alex Walsh Alex Walsh built a [ __ ] Empire dude but he uh a [ __ ] horrific Empire that's built on the just the worst possible he spil on the bones of [ __ ] snatched up oh apparently missing kids are like they're I mean of course they're sensationalized cuz it's crazy but like missing children are returned to their house I think it's like 99 7% of the time Miss kids go missing it's usually they ran away right they ran away or worse comes to worse it's
(26:06) usually a um loved one a loved one who has like like cut out of the yeah a custody battle they take him so that's like it's usually that that's like the worst case most of the times in sex trafficking which is it's probably the point s and uh every now and again there's a [ __ ] there's a 3% straight beheaded L lzi dude walking around spot so yeah apparently he was arguing like why we shouldn't baby kids so much but he's like but to be honest and he told this story and it was like Jesus [ __ ]
(26:36) Christ dude no matter no wonder that didn't work out like that oh imagine not knowing that and like calling him out and be like yeah dude you're going to you're trying to get people arrested you [ __ ] snitch it's like what do you have against these criminals yeah well actually yeah some guy [ __ ] cut my son's head off oh man I'm sorry dude I'm sorry bro so dog what's up dog um you know just I'm actually living in your old room now oh yeah you moved into the basement what
(27:06) do you think of that oh it's scarier than I thought it was going to be it's a little creepy down there it gets a little spooky I get dude I was in a a customer's house where I was painting a like a a big house I was the last one down the basement had to shut the lights off dude I [ __ ] ran up the I'm literally middle of the day I was in the third floor walking around there's like an office and [ __ ] and then I I opened one door I'm look I was tasked to go find like the the P in paint to like
(27:29) match it up so I'm like wandering through almost like a man this place is [ __ ] big I think a mansion's technically like 5,000 ft it right around there so I'm they had they had a [ __ ] like boardroom in their house like meetings damn so I'm walking around you think that was dant Trump's house it was just empty dominoes he's just reselling dominoes like different countries so I I walk into a I walk through this one room that goes to another room and then I get to this other room that there's just a door with
(27:56) a little key in the thing and I was like I'm I'm going to go look what's see what's in there I walked to the door knob and went fcking ran the [ __ ] away dude I love the idea of a board meeting haggling calling a Domino's like guy on a speaker phone just like what if we toss in six wings all right we'll knock down 30 cents dude I actually I told you I got free dominoes one time just called dominoes and I was like yo man uh I'm going to need I'm getting two medium pizzas and I need that large from last
(28:24) week that you guys messed up on and they were like what and I was like yeah dude you guys told me I get a free pizza and they were like what's your name and I was like I gave them all my information and they were like who did you speak to and I was like I don't know some guy like an ethnic sounding name it's like West Philly Domino's they go they're like you're like some guy with a Muslim beard Philly Philly dominoes they were like when did you call I was like dude it was last Friday right at like 7 o'
(28:50) and they were I was like you guys told me you give me free pizza what the hell and they were like uh all right let us check the records I'm yeah go ahead look at them I'm like no way they don't have through [ __ ] and it's Friday's busy as [ __ ] they don't remember so they're like dude five minutes they try to ice me on hold and they call back like all right so we're going to bring it you can do it once till like almost any chain Pizza wow so this guy could have just done the I used to I used to do that to
(29:10) Domino's too I used to call and say I have a coupon here for free cheesy bread every time I ordered it it be like I have a coupon for free cheese bread and the guy brings you the cheese bread and you're like he they'll never ask give a [ __ ] they don't care yeah also so back to the basement the basement is scary it is [ __ ] spooky down there it's funny cuz I forgot it was scary it took me a month to get over the fact that it was scary down there I'd be like someone's in that tiny door I thought noes and
(29:34) then uh the other night nobody was so usually at least six is like upstair it was just nobody was home and I like start and I was like kind of high and then I started thinking about being scared and then I was like [ __ ] I'm now you're scared now there's definitely a ghost in here or I would think I would get high and get afraid of fires like if there's a fire I'm just trapped in this pit because there's one stairwell that's hilarious there's a fire upstairs you're just dead and like how loud it is that's
(30:04) the next uh store when they run down the when the Asians [ __ ] it just Crouching Tiger down the [ __ ] step across the [ __ ] room like I mean you guys are probably like too dead as oh I knew were downstairs but like I'd be in this room at night like at like 3:00 4: in the morning and [ __ ] just starts like falling and you he the Water behind the wall yeah very spooky stuff and you're in a [ __ ] basement dude if a ghost is going to appear it's coming to the basement and it's going to it's probably
(30:32) the ghost of KL marks showing up like James you did the right thing by getting banned from the open mic you are truly a communist Warrior thank you comrade but yeah the uh the Asians fly down the steps that would scare me every morning I'd be like someone's pounding on the door yeah cuz their steps directly underneath their steps it's straight into the basement goes fly why the [ __ ] do they run down I kind of run down steps like that too you do I've seen I [ __ ] fly down steps I'm also 195 now too you're big dog I'm
(31:05) a [ __ ] good boy I [ __ ] groped you at the [ __ ] Starbucks we're at Starbucks earlier and uh Shane gives me like a hug and then he reached around like grabbed my ass and like shook it real quick two hands got underneath it like family just walked by's right behind him you got [ __ ] plump butt dude you got dude you have to start hugging like come on give her your hug and to squeeze your ass [ __ ] working out [ __ ] nice R it's such a funny grabbing a guy guys ass is so [Music]
